Christmas is almost here. 3 more days. Then 2014 will almost be over. I thought 2013 was one of the worst years of my life... and it took all 12 months of 2014 to gather up my thoughts and now that it is almost over, and 2015 is almost here, I still have to put all of those thoughts someplace where they make sense and will prove helpful for me. I have learned (in a way I wish I wouldn't have) that the most important things in my life, are my kids. I have always loved my kids more than life itself, but now, the feelings are multiplied by infinity. I, now, understand loss and grief and the process of putting the pieces back where they belong after they cracked and broke off. Some pieces were too fragile to put back in the same places, but they are now kept in a more precious place-deep in my heart and soul. I have also learned that true love, and I mean TRUE, REAL, UNCONDITIONAL love, never ends. It is carried on throughout your lifetime, never to be lessened or forgotten. The loved ones I have lost, I did not lose. They are still here, only in different form. I may not always be able to see or hear them, but the few times I have, it was enough for me to believe that they have went nowhere, for when I need them, they are here. Time heals, yes, but the one thing that never changes is the love. Love is by far the ultimate goal of human life. Love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and having no regrets. I will never regret any part of my life because it all brought me to where I am today. Some things have made me so happy, where other things have torn me to shreds, but as you can see, I am still here. For my kids. For those who I must still learn from and for those who must still learn from me. Life is a lesson...an experience. And to be honest, I understand now that everything really does happen for a reason. Everyone will come to this point several times throughout their lifetime, and it is all personal. No two experiences are the same. We are all here for different reasons, but still reasons, all the same. When our lessons are complete, any time after that point, it may be your time to move forward, like our passed on loved ones. The whole point is to make the best of it. There are no wrong choices. There are no real mistakes. You can look back on your past and see where you could have done something differently, but it was done for a reason. My pain eases when I stop to remember that, no matter what, they came here, they learned what they had to learn, taught what they had to teach, and the last lesson they taught was the lessons we all got from their physical death. We all learned something unique, as they touched us all in unique, personal ways. Whether you knew them your whole life, or for only a short time, there is something to be learned and checked off the list. I truly await the day where I can be reunited with them, and that day will come. But we don't know when our last lesson is to be learned. We could have already learned it. It could be today, tomorrow, next week, or ten years from now (or more). BUT the truth is...is we don't know. Live your life being happy. Do what you want and don't regret anything. I know this is what one of the greatest messages to us would be if we all could talk to them. Me, being me, I am stubborn and still so much in love with my husband, even though he has passed on, so I will continue to live as I wish, whether anyone agrees with me or not. My life, when it comes to its physical end, will be a story to be told. Some may categorize it in the trauma section, some in disbelief, some in awe, but to me, it will be perfect...a love story beyond a love story. A story of happiness, love, heartbreak, and resilience. My kids understand that when my time comes, I want it to be a time of celebration, a time of reunion, as it should be. Grief and sorrow come from the human experience-from the habit of constant visuals and feelings. After the human experience, things get way more exciting. The experience turns into wonder and amazement and joy. This is my story. And I hope you all have a story of your own. Maybe you haven't come to this point yet, but you will, and it will put you at ease. It will awaken you and excite you. Please be happy for others when they get to this point, because it is a turning point-an aha-moment, a moment to never be repeated again. Inside every person is a story to be told...it just depends on the words you use... Use them wisely.